On Second Thought

How I envy the ruthlessly organized. There are a few out there who think I'm organized. Bless them. Little do they know, my list making, ritual of hanging of car keys by the backdoor ( yes, I know this isn't the safest place for them), and even calling myself and leaving voice mails is about the only thing that helps keeps me focussed, well sorta focussed. 

I had a semi-senior moment the other day.I was at Starbucks with my daughter when the barista asked what name the order was under, I hesitated for a second. My daughter embarassed barked my name out. I wanted to tell her I didn't forget my name, really--I was just thinking what name I should say since I'm in the middle of a divorce and all. Make up a name, any name, just don't delay the people behind, but there wasn't any. It's all about speed, isn't it?

I'm begining to think so. People want to be in the fastest lane at the grocery. Drivers weave through lanes of traffic so they can get to the exit five seconds sooner. People cut off conversations by simply turning away without even a proper goodbye. I see this...

Life seems to be full of surprises lately, not exactly the ones I expected. I guess if I expected them they wouldn't be surprises, go figure. My latest is finding out my new MySpace site was public. Hmmmmm, explains why all my students kept asking if I have a MySpace site. Luckily, I did not include any photos of me drinking or dancing on the table tops--as if I have any.<g>

At first I was horrified, anyone could see what I wrote. Get a grip here. I am a writer I want people to read what I wrote. When I write from the heart, from my pain, the writing is the most meaningful. Maybe people do need to read that.

It's just when they decide to comment on my blogs or write back--I'm stuck wondering if I am dealing with my students. Definitely, don't want to be on one of those news magazine specials.

In the end, I truly believe nothing random happens in the universe--maybe I was meant to reach out to some people, but it's over because I closed that door. I do hope they got what they needed while it was open.

The very thought of starting over new is intimidating. Sure, there is building a new web page, that causes a few muttered words of discontent and fingers shot through the hair in frustration. If that isn't enough, how about a whole new life evaluation. A five point check to see if I am actually heading down the road I want to be on. Mhmmmmm, sounds ominous and is, alittle. I decided to slam on the brakes on the road I was traveling when a dear friend died at the young age of 46. To me, that is remarkably young, to my teenage daughter, not so young,

The one thing that struck me was at the funeral, people recounted all he had done in his short life and it was a great deal. They were comforted by the thought that he accomplished most of what he wanted to do in life. Maybe that was true, for him, but that got me thinking about me. Could I say I accomplished what I set out to do? Ooh, painful moment of truth time, nope, no, not really, not by a long shot. Second question to myself: what am I doing then? Life is short. Do have time to walk...